What do I want ?

I find myself asking this question far too often than I thought I would. What do i want in my life, right now?. Mostly when I feel a bit down and a little bit ungrateful at times, I'm ashamed to say. But i guess we've all been there. You know one of those days, when you wake up and just feel rubbish. And you feel like you're angry but you don't know why, and at who? How could I feel this way when there are so many people out there who would do anything to be in my shoes, and they are going through the day worrying for their safety and hungry. And I'm here waking up, in a house with the heater on all comfy, and I'm feeling sorry for myself. *slaps own face* take that! I promised myself that I would try my best not to allow myself to dwell into that feeling anymore. Because It wont only effect yourself, and ruined the rest of you day, it would effect people around you too, especially if you have kids. Be grateful for every little things you have. Because if Allah doesnt want you to have even a tiny speck of salt, you wont even have that! so be grateful. You have probably heard people saying this a lot " compare yourself to the less fortunate, to be grateful". We really should! do exactly that. I mostly feel like this because I don't feel like im contributing anything to the family, since im a full time mom, or doing anything to better myself. Even though my husband kept reminding me from time to time what a great job im doing with the kids. I should just stop feeling sorry for myself and just go get what I want, and whatever it is that makes me happy. And after thinking for sometime what I really want in life, I have decided on these few things. 1. I want to be closer to god, I really do. It gives me peace a calamity when I am. I need find time to increase my Ibadah( prayers)
2. I want to be a professional Interior designer. I've always wanted to be an architect, long story short it didn't work out. So I'm settling for something I can easily train myself and love doing.
3. Spend more time with my kids. We cant stop technology but with iPhones and wifi everywhere, its hard not to get lost in your own virtual world, when u stare at your phone constantly while your children calling you to get your attention.
4. Get fitter and stay fit. Recently I lost 15kg eating clean and working out. I want to loose another 10kg. and maintain the weight. Im happier when I'm not fat. I don't see why I cant do all this, no one is stopping me. Im just going to do it. If you feel unhappy too, ask yourself what do u really want? once you've figured it out, make a list and go get them! Do what makes you happy! Stop blaming other people for what you don't have, and stop giving excuses. Just do it.

Infused Water

As cliche as it may sound, Ive never felt better in my life, I feel better now, than I did when I was in my 20's. I feel stronger, fresher, and my metabolism is better. Now I cant wait to go clothes shopping, Last month I can barely look at myself in the mirror with all the fat spilling from everywhere. I have made a routine to have this infused water everyday. Its my favourite.


Recipe

1 lemon sliced
Half a cucumber sliced
a few mint leaves
a little bit of ginger.

Just put them all in a jar, fill the jar up with water, and keep it in the fridge overnight. Drink it all the next morning. Since its Ramadhan now, I have this during my iftar. This is great especially if you're trying to loose some belly fat.

Welcome Ramadhan

Its the third day of the holy Ramadhan, Its great to be given another chance going through another ramdhan, I've been waiting for this day as I have made a promise myself to better myself and I will be taking full advantage of the month to improve my Ibadah and may this ramadhan be the best ramadhan I've had. Make the most of everyday, and what you don't do today, be sure to do it tomorrow and continue to make today better than yesterday.

Week 2 eating clean!

Week 2 of eating clean is going well, at first it was hard because I love savoury food, I tend to crave it more than anything sweet. But thats what usually happen, I crave savoury food, so I eat whatever and then after the meal, I would want something sweet, and after that I would need something savoury again. so it goes on and on in a circle. So eating clean has helped me destroy this unhealthy circle of eating I've had. So now, in the morning I would have a green smoothie with bunch of vegetables and fruits. for lunch I would have a plate of vegetables with some fish or chicken. and after I snack on fruits and nuts and I drink a lot of water throughout. I feel great. But the first few days it was hard, I had headaches and and feel nausea but I guess it's just my body adjusting to my new diet. Now I don't even crave rice, I'm surprise that I got over rice this quick, considering how much I love rice, and all things sweet! I guess I under estimated my self control after all! Im so proud of myself for sticking to it. And Inshaallah (god willing) I will continue to make this a lifestyle not just part of the loosing weight goal.

Self control

Ever since I was in school I have always been an active girl, I use to workout with my mom at home a lot,  but I never really quite achieve the figure I wanted. The problem with me is when it comes to food I have no self control. I workout a lot but I also eat whatever I wanted regardless the countless of times my parents told me to watch what I eat. Nope! didn't listen. Even after I got married and have kids. My husband struggle to convince me to give up donuts, I do want to look good but food is my ultimate weakness! 

There were times when I woke up at 4 in the morning to workout, because really want to workout and couldn't find time otherwise. There I was all ready, had my capri on, vest on, got the dumbbells out, but then I walked pass the kitchen and saw some leftover over rice. I sat down and eat instead all in my workout clothes. But since 1 weeks ago I have started a clean diet. God knows my body needs it with all the junk I've put in my body my whole life. But in order for me to stay consistent without running straight to the nearest bakery and stuff my face with all the pastries, I have allowed myself a cheat day, which on the day I'm allowed to have a little bit of rice. I am a Malaysian, rice is a staple. Cant live without it.

New beginning

When I was younger I always believe that I was a robot and that everyone else will get old and die, but I never will. Well obviously that's not true, the older I get the more I understand the true meaning of life. However, I never really try to implement it in my everyday life. Turning 30 this year have made me realised how much better I can make my life. And that I need to start now, by being a much positive person, eat better, have a healthy lifestyle, be a better mom, a better wife, last but not least improve my faith. 

Prophet Muhammad PBUH used to say:

" Get hold of 5 things before 5 things happen.  Your youth before old age, your health before sickness, your riches before poverty, your leisure before business and your life before death. "

Growing up I hear this and I know it, but I never really take upon myself to understand and live by it. Now that I do, I have decided that I'm going to live my life by this principle, and implement it and I will have this blog to help remind me and keep me on track of things I need to improve in my life. Why not? we all should.This is basically the key to a happier, healthier more positive life. 

TECHNOLOGY PARENTING

Sometimes, I wish I still lived during the time before cell phones were invented. I remember my childhood vividly. It was awesome. We only got TV an hour a day, a little bit more if it was the weekend. We actually asked our parents’ permission before turning the TV on, and when the time was up, it had to be turned off. My mom was so committed to raising us, she watched our every move. I used to love how she greeted us in the mornings. Those warm hugs that made us feel so much love undistracted by phones, iPads or laptops -- we didn't have any of those. All we had was a standard PC that everyone had to take turns to use. We had to turn it off when we were done with it. We had a landline phone that I remember running to answer every time it rang. 

That was it. We were actually living our lives; playing with the sand outside, going over to our grandma’s house in the evenings, getting soaking wet washing the cars, watering the plants, watching Umi (Mother) bake cakes. Our favorite was her original Victoria sponge with buttercream and peanuts. She made it a point to take us out every evening where we’d all play together. She would sit us at the balcony and tell us interesting stories, engaging us with each and every word she uttered. I remember her to reciting the Quran every night after the Maghrib prayer to which we’d fall asleep just listening to her calm tones as she’d recite. It's was beautiful, it was peaceful. 

My father on the other hand, was firm, yet caring. He’d check our school bags and go through our books with us. He’d tell us what we did wrong and make us correct our mistakes even if our teachers didn’t ask us to. We’d actually play with him and he’d read to us. Nonetheless, the attention was pure. No distractions. They were great. I had the best childhood a daughter could ever have.

Now that I'm a parent myself, I try my best to be like my own parents. I want to treat my kids the way they treated me. I remember being treated that way and it was pure happiness. But as much as I try, there’s just too much distraction. Nowadays we have laptops, phones, what’s worse is this whole smartphone invention with Whatsapp and all these other useless apps that aim to take our attention away from the beauty of life itself. It’s crazy how our lives revolve around them. Sometimes I get so mad at myself for spending too much time on the phone, so I just toss it away angrily, asking myself, “What is wrong with me?!” Then I look at my daughter as she’s entertaining herself watching cartoons. I hate seeing her getting caught up watching things. But then when the phone beeps, I go back and reach for it to see what (or who) it was. It’s overwhelming how we tell our kids not to watch too much TV or not to play with the phone. But we do it and then we expect our children not to do what we do. Constantly.

When we get up from bed, we check our phones, after shower we check our phones, while eating we see if there’s something we can watch while we’re eating, before bed we check our phones again. What’s happening to our children at that moment? They're playing alone with their toys and are they really enjoying themselves? They tell us, "Mama, play with me!", what do we say? "Sorry, I have to clean the house" or "Wait, I'm on the phone". I see people telling their kids to shut up so they can watch or read the news when their child is grabbing their hand asking them "play with me, Dad!". I see people at the park pushing their kids on the swings but tapping away on their phones. And when their child talks to them, they respond with half-assed responses, like, "yeah?”, “really?”, “wow!". Do we really listen to everything our kids are trying to share with us? They try to get our attention, try their best to impress us so that maybe Mom will put down the phone and compliment me like she means it. And when they grow up we wonder why they don't pay attention to us. Let's just hope one day they don't chuck us in a nursing home, throw a super smartphone at us and say, "here spend time with this". ‘Cause honestly at this rate we deserve it. I don't want this anymore. I want to see my children grow properly, listen to everything they have to say and let them know they can talk to me, let them know they’re my priority. 

To everyone who’s reading this and feel the same way that I do, here’s some advice: Turn off your laptops when you’re done with work. Put it away. Don't start watching another useless TV series. Pick up your phone for calls only. Messages can wait. Create a beautiful childhood for your kids before it’s too late. We can do this! Together, we can raise happier and contented children for a better future.